Sweetie

I don't really look like a teenage boy.  I'm 5'2, have a feminine face, and my blonde hair makes it so that even if I could grow something of a girl-mustache, it'd mostly blend in with my face like my arm hair does to my arm.  But, I'd like to think that when I'm read as a girl I pass as the 17 year old girl I shouldn't be.  Or at least as a teenager.  

So, when I get called something that implies I'm a young teen/tween/kid, I'm okay with it.  (although getting 'sir'd is a bit odd to me, I never got a 'ma'am' and I'm not sure if I should be glad for passing or confused at the age)  What I'm not okay with is that I can't seem to pass when people know my age, since they can sort of see teenage girl behind the preteen boy, so college will be interesting.

"You go here?  Woah, did you, like, skip 5 grades?!"  "...I'll be 18 in November"  "Oh, sorry, *mumbles to friends that they thought I was a boy*"  "damnit, you were right the first time >_<"   Yeah, joy.    I can't decide if that or "but that's a boy's name" when I introduce myself would be worse.

people...

I don't understand some people.  I know that you should try to be polite and all, but there's polite and then there's cruel.  If you don't like someone, what's the point of putting on a grin and acting like their friend only to bitch about them behind their back?  Wouldn't it be better to just try and seperate yourself?  Be polite but distant?  Or just not talk about them like that?

first- sorry for not being active, not much to say.  

why did we bring her?

So today, for pretty much the first time, mom came to the campus with us for one of those stupid admitted student days. ... >_<

I normally wouldn't mind, but I can't get her to call me a boy and she talks. and talks. and taaallks. To everyone, often mentioning me. Yes, that's wonderful. I now go from having to tell people who don't know me I'm a boy to telling people who not only know me as a girl, but have heard it from my freaking mother. I've got enough to worry about with stupid single-sex locker rooms, and now this. Wonderful, really.

graduation gift

So, just opened my graduation gift from mom.  It's a CD from someone that's pretty religious, Martina.  Christianity and me react like matter and anti-matter, but she keeps insisting I'm Catholic.  So, okay then.  I've heard one of her songs, she's not bad or anything, I can live with references to Jesus and sin even though they're in English so I can't deny it, but here's what gets me.

She's a butterfly, This One's for the girls, reluctant daughter, in my daughter's eyes.  

Yes, I could be digging into this.  Another song is about a girl who's clearly not pure the day before her wedding and "what the %!#@$ is she doing wearing white?!" tone.   When You Love Me: "In your arms I'm free/to just be a woman".  How Far: Basically, what you're doing hurts me, I can't accept it right now, so I'm leaving.  

There's also "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "God's Will".  Both are songs that I'd like except, well, they make me cry.  

I really might be digging into this.  But... she's the one who won't accept it.  If she weren't the person trying to convince me I'm a girl and getting upset over boxers, it'd be okay.  But now it just feels like she's trying an indirect approach.  It sucks.

There are 2 songs with lyrics that are at all tolerable on the subject.