Saturday, April 12, 2008


I am seriously freaking sick of mom.  I know, it's hard.  But she's not listening to me.  She won't accept it.  She can't accept it.

"Just because you're values are different than the girls on your hall, and my sister's... my values were different than my roommate."  I didn't realize that taking 'girl' to be a deep insult was a value.

"I'm sorry you live in a school and society that devalues women"   Because it really values transsexuals. We are so far up the list of people that have full rights and no fear of not getting a job because of who you are.  Right up there with gays.  And I'm going to a gender that can't wear dresses and is more likely to get beat up or drafted.  There is a large list of negatives here, lady.

It ended with her starting to say something, then telling me to do the dishes.  *sigh*  I don't know what to do with this.  


Yew Berry Castle said...

My conversations with my parents about my transness were broadly similar. My mother was very focused on curing me from "the disease" rather than trying to undertsand it and accept it. She wanted to get ride of it. She told me I couldn't be a woman because I was attracted to girls and she also said that: "Just because you are sensitive doesn't mean you are a girl. Your father is sensitive and he is a man."

My dad told me I had to be careful because I could destroy all my career oppurtunities by being a woman.

It's true. Parents suck.

Ry said...

I should find out if that's part of it... I had a few boyfriends, but looking at it: I'm not attracted to boys, I just wanted to be one. All the ones I "liked" most were ones that I didn't actually want to talk to. And no wonder, I didn't like always being analyzed (which is what I'd be doing to them, trying to figure out what makes them seen as "male")- they wouldn't want to, either. Although, that is a nice logic. "You can't be a woman, that'd make you gay." Do you really like girls? That answers a question I had after reading one of your blog posts. ^^;

Er, by being a woman or being a transwoman? Cause I doubt the former means as much as the latter, and the latter can be hidden. I mean, it can make it a bit harder, but it by no means "destroys" anything from what I've seen. o_O

Yew Berry Castle said...

I do like girls. When I was growing up girls fascinated me and not really because I was attracted to them but rather because I was attracted to being one. I loved being close to them and learning all about their world.

As I discovered I was trans in my late teens I saw myself as lesbian. In college I started to get interested in guys, not that I wanted to date them but because the more and more I felt like a girl I fantastised about being with a guy. I never acted on it because I see myself as a girl so no guy was going to go out with me except a guy guy. A gay guy wants another guy and I don't want to be see as a guy. Girls were the natural option.

Now I am in a great relationship with a loving girl (who sees herself as androgen) so sometimes we are like lesbians and sometimes we are like a hetrosexual couple. I have found my way I think.

Still, even some lesbians sometines think about being with a man, or at least having their partner act like a man so there is this part of me that wants my girl to bed me like she was a man.

As regards my mum. She doesn't believe in lesbians. So told me: "Lesbians are just a product of a male sexual fantasties and the sex industry" :-/


Both. I think that he feels as a woman I'd get paid less and have less career oppurtunities than if I stayed as a man. Thing is that I would be happier as a woman and would so be a more productive employee. But I guess he also feels that I would be discriminated against for being trans.

Ry said...

I still think men should prefer bisexual girls, those they have a chance of scoring with. Or is the draw that to score with a lesbian, you are so good in bed you can take someone that doesn't even like guysex? I still don't fully understand it. o_O

But, hey, people have said stranger things about homosexuality before.

Women do tend to get paid less, but some people think that's because they ask for less. (A guy's more willing to haggle the pay up, a woman's more willing to take the first offer or something) Then, I've never had a job and have made a total of $22 on commissions. I'm not exactly the best informed on the job front situation.

Yew Berry Castle said...

Hetrosexual guys fantasise about lesbians even though it is extremely unlikley that'll be invited into bed with one, but they hate gay guys. Then girls find lesbians weird but think gay guys are cute and safe to have around. So really I think it all comes down to deep sexual and gender insecurities. :-)

Ry said...

Might be it.

I just prefer same-sex pairings for some reason. Might be the built in "omg, will we be accepted?" angst.

Yew Berry Castle said...

I just wanted to say I liked the chat last night and I hope that we'll keep in touch in the future so we can keep up to date on our
transitions and give each other some moral support. :-)

I hope you're having an okay day at school!

Ry said...

Thanks. ^^ And to let you know, I can only get online on weekends. Still haven't figured out how to get MSN to work at school. :/

Yew Berry Castle said...

And to let you know, I can only get online on weekends.

No problem. I'm busy most of the time anyway and the weekend is probably the only time it would work out time-zonedly.

I had started to write some comments here but I got they got so long that I thought it would be better to make a blogpost out of it instead. Stay tuned! :-)