I hate that mom buys me girl clothes. I hate that it's a giant struggle to get clothes I like. I hate how mom acts like it's a personal blow that her baby girl likes boy clothes. I hate how she won't even consider that her baby girl is her baby boy. I hate that I'm willing to buy my own clothes, but can't get there. I hate that I don't have a car or license and have to rely on my parents to take me places. I hate that my parents call me a girl, especially when I finally got that blessed 'he'. I hate that mom assumed I liked ripped clothes when I just hate shopping so much my clothes are falling apart.
I hate that mom won't listen to me. I hate that she wouldn't get me a binder because she doesn't know the health risks. I hate that I have to wear a shirt under my binder to keep it from itching. I REALLY hate living in the south so close to summer. I hate that the dangerous Ace-bandage method hurt less than every bra I've ever worn. I hate Victoria's Secret. I hate the women's department. I hate feeling like I shouldn't shop in men's. I hate that boys always get the coolest shirts and I'm stuck rooting through an innuendo-filled stack for something that doesn't say "whore" quite so loudly. Is it any wonder I just get all my shirts at museums?
I hate feeling girly just because I like guyxguy. I hate that I'm supposed to wait for prince charming to scoop me up. I hate that prince charming is always straight, and tries to grab me anyways. I hate that boys can't wear dresses but girls can wear pants. I hate it when girls pour on perfume so I gag next to them. I hate being called a lady and having to listen to girls babble on about their love lives. I hate prom, I hate formal gowns, I hate the drama, I hate hearing doors slam, I hate the pity of "she couldn't get a date". I hate that it's still she.
I hate feeling like I have to hide myself on hall. I hate almost saying what REALLY defines me as a woman, what I'd REALLY name myself, only to realize I'm too scared to come out. I hate that this school will not be supportive. I hate that I have to use the women's bathrooms. I hate that it feels like I'll never be called a boy. I hate that it takes 4 weeks to deliver a mango. I hate that I need a note to start HRT. I hate that I couldn't do this yesterday, or a hundred yesterdays ago, or back before puberty started.
I hate people that ask me why I have to get surgery. I hate people that say they still see me as a girl even after I came out to them 3 months ago. I really hate when they get all perverted and tell me they're picturing me as some slim, full-figured bimbo that's all hot and sweaty after a workout. I hate people who act like they're trying to accept me as male is harder than me being TS. I hate the "she could be a dude" jokes. I hate that there's nothing worse than to find out your girlfriend is a post-op MtF.
And I still hate my pants.